As long as Carrie Prejean and Maggie Gallagher get to make shit up, …
(graphic: Mike Tidmus, here’s the original)
Margaret White: I can see your dirty pillows. Everyone will.
Carrie White: Breasts, Mama. They’re called breasts,
and every woman has them.
(dialogue: Carrie, a 1976 film by Brian De Palma)
The undeniably stimulating new Queen Esther (graphic: mine,
source photo: from a B!isss Magazine centerfold)
Maggie Gallagher of the National Organization for Marriage recently said of beauty queen and pin-up Carrie Prejean:
Her example resonates, especially to many young Americans, because she chose to stand for truth rather than surrender her core values.
Right. And, with an apology to Dorothy Parker, I’m Marie of Rumania.
Mocking the man-dog-love-obsessed ex-Senator Rick Santorum
(graphic: mine, from the Tidmus archives)
In a comment, Carrie Prejean supporter F Sanders asks:
OH, one last thought…why don’t we let people marry and have sex with their dogs next…why not?? Oh, jeez, is this already going on and do the gay people have it on the ballet for the next election :)
My response:
You call that a “thought?” What is with this peculiar Christianist obsession with fucking and marrying animals?
This loony-tunes fixation on bestiality and inter-species marriage didn’t originate with F Sanders. Jim Burroway at Box Turtle Bulletin has a round-up of Christian kookiness on the subject that begins with Texas Senator John Cornyn: “It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right… Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife.”
There’s more:
Let’s not forget former Terry Schiavo lawyer David Gibbs III, who last month suggested, “Maybe people will want to marry their pets or… [dramatic pause] …their robots.”
My poor little Roomba just scooted under the couch.
These are not well people. These are people who should seriously consider getting professional help.
Tip: Box Turtle Bulletin and Joe. My. God.
Wake up Maggie, I think I have something to say to you (graphic: mine)
Last October, the entire staff of Slime magazine attended the wedding of our much-loved Claude the Copy Editor to his charming husband Javier the Freelance Editorial Cartoonist, in beautiful Cardiff-by-the-Sea — just north of sunny, formerly conservative San Diego. It was, like approximately 18,000 other same-gender weddings that took place in California in the all too brief window between the California Supreme Court coming to its senses last May and a slim majority of California voters losing theirs last November, a day none of us will soon forget.
Now, we at Slime love our copy and we love our Claude, so none of us were in the least amused when a bunch of Bible-humping transplants, who apparently relocated to the Golden State seeking easier access to welfare benefits, strip-mall mega-churches and methamphetamine, took away the right of loving couples like Claude and Javier to enter into legal civil marriages.
One of the loudest, and most vulgar, voices behind that travesty at the ballot box was Maggie Gallagher, who heads the National Organization for Marriages Denied People Like Our Beloved Claude and His Husband Javier, or as it’s commonly known NOM — an organization that may or may not be a front for the Church of Jesus F Christ of Latter Day Saints.
NOM (pronounced gnome) recently launched a television ad campaign in response to the overwhelming victories for common sense, justice, equality and secularism in Vermont and Iowa.
We, here at Slime magazine, are exceedingly and demonstrably saddened to report that Victoria, our video and media critic, died in mid-laugh at her first viewing of NOM’s Gathering Storm-troopers for the Lord video.
Victoria is survived by her parents, Seth and Bette, her brother, Binky, and her white standard poodle, Oodle. Vickie, we will miss your intelligence and your voice. We will soldier on, in your memory, against Maggie Gallagher and the evil forces of theocracy in our beloved country.
On behalf of the entire staff of Slime magazine, I wish to state that we, at Slime, cannot and will not stand for theocracy rearing its ugly head here in California, nor in any corner of this great nation of ours.
See also: Free speech is sacred
A plot to embarrass the Pope? As ridiculous and deplorable as trying
to screw in an imaginary light bulb (Graphic: mine)
Threatened with yet another round of lay-offs, Slime magazine’s already over-worked editorial staff, one beleaguered art director and Mila the faithful coffee girl worked into the wee hours of the morning to produce what is being hailed as the latest special edition of Slime magazine. Slime’s Special Papal Apology Issue was deemed necessary, and a potential best seller, in light of the storm clouds that have been massing over Vatican City for the past week or so.
Yesterday, the infallible Vicar of Christ on Earth was rebuked by German Chancellor Angela Merkel. She called on Papa Ratzi to publicly reject the views of the recently de-excommunicated, Holocaust-denying bishop, Richard Williamson. Ms Merkel said, “The Pope and the Vatican should clarify unambiguously that there can be no denial and that there must be positive relations with the Jewish community overall.”
Hermann Haering, a prominent German Catholic theologian, has called on His Infallibleness to resign “for the good of the Church.” After all, maintains Herr Haering, cardinals must resign at the age of 80, and Ratzi is 81. It should be noted that no Pope has been forced to resign since the 13th Century. In an editorial, entitled It’s About Time, Ratzi, Slime magazine has, in no uncertain terms, joined the pile-on call for the Prada-sporting pontiff’s resignation.
While the Vatican has called on Bishop Williamson to recant, it is, at the same time, pointing an accusing finger at Swedish TV reporter, Ali Fegan, on whose program Williamson stated that no more than 200,000 to 300,000 Jews died at the hands of the Nazis and no gas chambers were used their executions. Accused of an insidious plot to embarrass the Pope, Fegan characterized the Vatican’s charge as “ridiculous and deplorable.”
While others have called Slime’s demand for an immediate apology from the Pope just as ridiculous and deplorable, Slime has cast those dispersions into its CEO’s $1400.00 trash can, and persists in its demand for a no-holds-barred apology from His Papalness.
For the record, Slime’s late December 2008 demand that the Pope apologize to the gays for labeling them a bigger threat to humanity than the destruction of the planet’s rainforests, was met with a plain brown envelope with a Vatican postmark containing what seems to be an audio recording of Papa Ratzi being relentlessly tickled.
Background:
