Freedom to Marry: Seven conversations in seven days
(Graphic: Freedom to Marry, and, well, me)
Talk amongst yourselves might sound like rather amusing advice, but that’s a bit of flippancy that we, as gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered folk, can no longer afford — unless you’re perfectly comfy with second-class citizenship. Forgive me for failing, off the top, to wish you all a bodaciously cool Freedom to Marry Week, but, let me cut directly to the chase: if you’re serious about the having the freedom to marry, you need to start buttonholing your friends, family, coworkers and the people you might not be entirely comfortable chatting with about marriage equality, or it’s just never ever going to happen. We all need to start having the difficult conversations that involve individuals and groups outside our comfort zones.
If you think having these conversations will lead to nothing other a few moments of excruciating embarrassment, meet the Reverend Susan Russell and Douglas Hunter, a Mormon father of three. Hunter, a freelance post-production supervisor for TV shows and budding filmmaker, wanted to make a film on a topic that “would allow him to explore a subject considered taboo by many other Mormons but which he could no longer ignore.” This led him to begin a conversation with Russell, a senior associate priest at All Saints Episcopal Church in Pasadena and lesbian. The LA Times, on Sunday described their conversation and what came of it:
From The Los Angeles Times:
Faith forms a bond for a lesbian priest and a Mormon father of three
A documentary film about same-sex marriage and theology leads to friendship, admiration and new understanding.Who could have foreseen what would happen between the Mormon filmmaker and the lesbian priest?
Not Douglas Hunter, even after he took a leap of faith and trained his camera on the Rev. Susan Russell.
And maybe not even Russell, who had undergone a remarkable transformation from onetime suburban soccer mom to priest and outspoken champion of gay rights.
But the friendship that took root when Hunter asked Russell to play the central role in his documentary about same-sex marriage and theology would lead two people from different worlds to a new understanding of themselves and their faiths.
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“So for me, the coming-out experience really had nothing to do with a sexual act or even a relationship or a person,” [Russell] adds. “It was about really, finally understanding my fullest, deepest self and getting all the pieces in place.”
As Russell told her story to Hunter, he realized that he wasn’t just filming, he was learning from her. He was especially moved by the priest’s concept of romantic love, with its emphasis on spiritual and emotional intimacy as a precursor to physical expression.
“That resonated with me and gave me a renewed appreciation of my relationship with my wife,” he said.
Hunter also felt his empathy growing for gays and lesbians, especially friends who felt compelled to hide their sexual orientation. Perhaps that was because he, too, held a secret: Hunter had been sexually abused as a child by two neighbors in his native Philadelphia.
He knew what it was like to hide a part of himself and pretend his life was in order. “I kept that locked away,” he said.
Something else was occurring: Hunter and Russell were becoming friends. As election day neared last November, Hunter began showing up at “No on 8″ rallies alongside his documentary subject.
Russell’s initial curiosity about Hunter gave way to admiration, particularly over his decision to vote against the same-sex marriage ban and to speak out against it. She realized that she was sharing in his transformation. And that filled her with a sense of wonder.
“It isn’t a risk for a priest from All Saints to go to a Prop. 8 demonstration, but it is for a devout, straight Mormon father of three,” Russell said. “It just speaks volumes about how deeply Douglas walks the talk in terms of really putting his faith into action.”
Hunter had to balance his new friendship against his obligation to his church, whose members, at the urging of church leaders, were contributing millions of dollars to help pass the ban.
Knowing he was walking the finest of lines, he told only a few close Mormon friends about his opposition to Proposition 8 and about his documentary, even as it debuted last fall at a gay and lesbian film festival in Chicago. The project also will be shown at a film festival in Pomona in April.
So, if the idea of having a conversation, however initially difficult, isn’t all that appealing, think about what could potentially happen in the long run if you found that spark of courage within yourself and took the next liberating step toward your own equality and freedom. Others have done it. You know their names. They didn’t settle for a back seat on the bus, and you know you have it within your being to do the same.
Learn more about 7 conversations in 7 days at Freedom to Marry.
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